Friends!

"Friends are people who care about each other
They give up all their love for the other one's good.
And you're a special friend because your love comes from God above
and has been blessed on me..."

These are lines from a song a friend wrote, that I learned at a church camp many, many years ago.  I have been thinking about friends and friendship a lot lately.  You see there have been changes in my life again and another sorting out of friends.  They say you know your friends by who is there with you no matter what comes.

To me friendship has always meant loyalty...being willing to lay down my life...being there for someone...even when the going gets tough...or beyond tough.  Friendship is knowing someone and being known.  Knowing the deepest darkest secrets and still loving...and them knowing yours.  Friendship is feeling safe to be real...REALLY real!  Not just what we want to be...or what we ought to be...but what we really are, today, now.

When we moved away from CA 14+ years ago...we left friends, family, everything we knew and moved to what we thought was a better, purer...higher...calling.  I remember thinking: "Nancy, it took you 13+ years to develop friendships at RPBC, even if this is a more 'perfect' place it will still take you time to know and to be known"

I waited, laid down my life, served, was real, opened myself up time and time again.  Seeking to be known...praying that someday someone would know me.  I came to the conclusion that not everyone wants to have that kind of relationship...that kind of friendship.  It is too dangerous I guess...and yet I continued.  Yes, I was hurt...but kept reminding myself that to have a friend...takes risk...and I was either going to risk hurt...or not have the relationships I thought we were called to have.

So the search continues...oh...I do have some friends...you know who you are...cause you are not afraid to call me friend and I haven't become your latest prayer project. To my friends: thank you and I love you.

I refuse to hide...I refuse to stop risking...I do realize I need a time to heal...to recover...to ask for God's grace to give me courage to risk again.  My hearts desire is for people to know me and know me well.  I believe that is is through real relationships that God's church grows...it is through real relationships that Satan is defeated.  Love and relationship are things that the Prince of this World knows nothing of.

Missing Mom

Mom always loved Christmas it was her all time favorite time of year. It started the 26th of December and continued past twelfth night, and onto December 25th. And then the cycle would begin again.

Christmas was about family, love, giving and friends. Christmas was about something other than ourselves.

As a family we had many traditions, from Santa Clause to stockings to living Christmas trees that would be planted and we would watch grow year after year. Christmas Eve meant Candlelight services, oyster stew, setting out cookies, milk and carrots for Santa and the reindeer. Then my daddy would read the real Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke.

Another tradition mom and I had was to read A Christmas Carol by Dickens. I still remember taking turns reading by the lights of the Christmas tree.

I never doubted the real reason for the season. Jesus taking the form of man to identify with us. For me Christmas was a time to celebrate relationship, relationship with others and relationship with The Lord of glory.

Relationships the real reason for being! Thank you mom for teaching me to love beyond me. To give of myself. To trust God with the results.

By His Grace

I am often asked how I do it, being a mom to 14, homeschool etc. first I don't get everything done but what I do, I want to do by His grace.

I am not saved by having a large family or making them look a certain way. I am saved only by His grace. I am kept by His grace. And it is Jesus who gives me the power to do what He has called me to.

My desire is to serve Jesus, to walk in His grace. To show others the gospel of grace and help people to follow by His grace. Not because of who I am but because of who He is.

In this blog I want to encourage, challenge and work through the fog that has invaded my mind.